Confession: Christmas Spirit

I don’t know what it is about Christmas but try as I may, I tend to usually end up somewhere between the Grinch and Ebenezer Scrooge. My name is Bianca, it is December 16th and I was finally able to turn on some Christmas music without feeling completely annoyed today, and I am beginning to feel the Christmas Spirit creep into my cold heart. It isn’t that I don’t feel the normal warm fuzzies when I take a plate of cookies to the old lady down the road, or smile at strangers or remember to be grateful, it isn’t that I don’t like the gifts my husband doesn’t know he bought for me, or that there isn’t enough money….it is the perfectionist in me that really goes crazy right now. It’s not getting the wrapping paper that matches this years decor, or trying to figure out a new snowflake pattern in my crochet book during crunch time, it is the thought of burning Christmas dinner, running out of cranberry sauce, it is not being able to give what someone really needs this Christmas, it is ultimately the gnawing, almost paralyzing, fear that I won’t have anything good enough to place before the King on Christmas morning. I must have heard “The Little Drummer Boy” Way too Much as a Child. But I remember thinking…”I can do more for Him than play some silly old drums.” Then I grew up and Really?! Why put all that pressure on myself? The fact is no one is keeping track and if they were who could possibly keep up? He had to have loved me first and He even said” If ye love me keep my commandments.” Is it really that easy? Is that all He wants for Christmas? Hmmm… cuz I can do that with my eyes shut! (Except for the one about being humble.) Always something to work on.